Baby steps...

No, no, not those kind of baby steps... the figurative kind. The kind that say "you'll get there, one step at a time." And it looks like I am heading in that direction.. the direction of a goal that I have been working so hard towards... the goal of becoming a teacher.
On April 8th, I will begin teaching my own class! This opportunity is giving me the chance to teach a class of 8th graders about reaching their artistic expression and abilities... and hopefully gain the true classroom experience. I will still continue to work at my current job, but P/T, as this teaching gig is only a P/T job as well. And I will keep on track with school, working towards my Masters in Education. Basically, at the middle school I will be teaching the single elective Art class for about 30 8th graders. And since it's the only Art class, it is also only 1 class period a day (hence the need for supplemental income). However, I am choosing to view this from an opportunistic perspective. These are my baby steps. I am able to just dip my toes in the pool, not be forced to jump into the deep end before I am ready. And hopefully this will get me ready.
I am all too familiar with taking baby steps towards an objective... which is usually followed by a fall to my butt... let's hope (and then hope some more) this time things will keep moving upright and forward.
And I am sure there will be follow-up posts to this one in the coming weeks when I will be ready to pull out my hair.

Ahhh, Springtime

So last year, D and I decided to try our hands (or thumbs, rather) at a vegetable garden. Starting out small and inexpensive (to minimize the feeling of defeat if we failed miserably), we planted 2 kinds of tomatoes and zucchini. Well, the zucchini did not take at all and died almost immediately (I still say that we got a bunk plant). But the tomatoes! They were strong, hearty and plentiful! Yum! 

So, this year, in addition to planting more veggies, I decided to see how my thumb is in the floral department. We have this perfect little flower bed in our backyard, just begging for filling. So, at my first ever attempt at planting flowers, here she is! We'll see what happens (and if we can keep Asa Malla and her BFF Nacho out of it!)...

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy?" Ben Franklin

Let me start be saying that I love beer (get ready for my whining). But who knew, all this time, I have (along with the rest of the country) been complaining about how much prices at the pump have risen, feeling slightly guilty with my decision in purchasing a Jeep (which I LOVE!!). So now, the rise in oil not only increases the dent in my pocket, but ultimately affects my yummy, calming brewski? This is insanity! Ok, I get the alternative fuels pitch. But when farmers are planting more corn in order to meet the *demand* for ethanol, where does that leave barley and wheat? And forever, there was an oversupply of hops, but now it's gone... oops.

So not only do I feel the pressure from driving my gas-guzzler, but I can't even relax with a cold beer (and lately, I deserve such a leisure) without feeling guilty or worse... broke?

Broke at the pump... broke at the pub... what's next.

Guess I will have to start drinking wine (I hear silent cheers from my husband).

Smile with me today...

I saw you last night.
I could still hear you this morning.
I awoke feeling heavy…
Not the expected sorrow,
but a welcoming warmth.

Where are you now?

Since I can never know,
I will choose...

Yesterday you left,
today you are gone,
but tomorrow you will be here…
Still…

I miss you.

I will always miss you.

I will always miss and love you.

DO NOT take my picture!!!!!

(just like her, mom... Asa does NOT like her picture being taken)

"Why?" you ask?

Okay, so at the risk of divulging any mystery or intrigue about the "handonthedoor" blog name, I ask... are you curious? Some of you, I know are... so this is for you...
Actually, there really isn't anything too interesting or deep about it, in fact, it's not even as accurate as I thought when I chose it... and, it's even a bit embarrassing;)
I suppose it's no secret to those of you who know me that there are many days that I battle with that single day's existence and its inevitable end. I'm sure we all have felt that way on occasion (maybe more than we admit), but I feel this struggle on most days. Good days, on the rare occasion, of course can't last long enough, while the all-to-frequent long and trying days seem to never end. But sometimes, on those difficult days, I can usually try and find something to look forward to, because I know that day will end... eventually (I mostly contribute this to the company I keep; positive energy is contagious).
I know, I know, get to the reason for "handonthedoor"... well, if you read below, you'll see the lyrics to one of my favorite Cure songs. A song that, while it might differ from Robert Smith's intended meaning, I found to be words that made me see that tomorrow will be here, and although the present might be full of fear and anxiety, if I look at it as only a dream, I can look ahead and prepare myself to move out from the darkness. But here's the funny part... I got the lyric wrong... all these years I have considered myself a fan of The Cure, and thought the line was "hand on the door", when it's actually "head on the door"... lame, I know. Makes me laugh to admit that, but it's true...
And I suppose there's a split meaning for me... no matter how much I am struggling, that teeny, tiny little glimpse of what might lie ahead is what keeps me going, makes me want to wake up everyday. I will admit, I do like a challenge (although, yes, there are some I'd rather do without), so maybe the possibilities on the other side of that door are what I yearn for... all I can do is brace myself enough to grip that handle and turn... and hope that I am strong enough to handle whatever presents itself.
Guess it just goes to show that you can take a line, established and belonging to another, and hear it differently, thus interpreting and relating it to your own life... does that mean it becomes yours?????
Or... I could just blame it on his British accent.... yeah, let's go with that one... my cheeks aren't as flush now;)

"Close To Me" by The Cure

I've waited hours for this
I've made myself so sick
I wish I'd stayed asleep today
I never thought this day would end
I never thought tonight could ever be
This close to me

Just try to see in the dark
Just try to make it work
To feel the fear before you're here
I make the shapes come much too close
I pull my eyes out
Hold my breath
And wait until I shake...

But if I had your faith
Then I could make it safe and clean
If only I was sure
That my head on the door was a dream

I've waited hours for this
I've made myself so sick
I wish I'd stayed asleep today
I never thought this day would end
I never thought tonight could ever be
This close to me

But if I had your face
I could make it safe and clean
If only I was sure
That my head on the door
Was a dream

First Photos w/ Pentax