"Why?" you ask?

Okay, so at the risk of divulging any mystery or intrigue about the "handonthedoor" blog name, I ask... are you curious? Some of you, I know are... so this is for you...
Actually, there really isn't anything too interesting or deep about it, in fact, it's not even as accurate as I thought when I chose it... and, it's even a bit embarrassing;)
I suppose it's no secret to those of you who know me that there are many days that I battle with that single day's existence and its inevitable end. I'm sure we all have felt that way on occasion (maybe more than we admit), but I feel this struggle on most days. Good days, on the rare occasion, of course can't last long enough, while the all-to-frequent long and trying days seem to never end. But sometimes, on those difficult days, I can usually try and find something to look forward to, because I know that day will end... eventually (I mostly contribute this to the company I keep; positive energy is contagious).
I know, I know, get to the reason for "handonthedoor"... well, if you read below, you'll see the lyrics to one of my favorite Cure songs. A song that, while it might differ from Robert Smith's intended meaning, I found to be words that made me see that tomorrow will be here, and although the present might be full of fear and anxiety, if I look at it as only a dream, I can look ahead and prepare myself to move out from the darkness. But here's the funny part... I got the lyric wrong... all these years I have considered myself a fan of The Cure, and thought the line was "hand on the door", when it's actually "head on the door"... lame, I know. Makes me laugh to admit that, but it's true...
And I suppose there's a split meaning for me... no matter how much I am struggling, that teeny, tiny little glimpse of what might lie ahead is what keeps me going, makes me want to wake up everyday. I will admit, I do like a challenge (although, yes, there are some I'd rather do without), so maybe the possibilities on the other side of that door are what I yearn for... all I can do is brace myself enough to grip that handle and turn... and hope that I am strong enough to handle whatever presents itself.
Guess it just goes to show that you can take a line, established and belonging to another, and hear it differently, thus interpreting and relating it to your own life... does that mean it becomes yours?????
Or... I could just blame it on his British accent.... yeah, let's go with that one... my cheeks aren't as flush now;)

"Close To Me" by The Cure

I've waited hours for this
I've made myself so sick
I wish I'd stayed asleep today
I never thought this day would end
I never thought tonight could ever be
This close to me

Just try to see in the dark
Just try to make it work
To feel the fear before you're here
I make the shapes come much too close
I pull my eyes out
Hold my breath
And wait until I shake...

But if I had your faith
Then I could make it safe and clean
If only I was sure
That my head on the door was a dream

I've waited hours for this
I've made myself so sick
I wish I'd stayed asleep today
I never thought this day would end
I never thought tonight could ever be
This close to me

But if I had your face
I could make it safe and clean
If only I was sure
That my head on the door
Was a dream