To go, or not to go...

That is the question.. really, it is.

I continue to battle with the repercussions of another's choices...
About 3 weeks ago, I got some minor surgery to my foot (toe, really) to repair some damage that resulted from the drunk driving crash over 13 years ago. The surgery (I cannot recall the arthroplasty name right now) was very minimal, but was an attempt at lessening the pain I feel on a daily basis. We'll see how that works out;)
But as I am healing from this surgery... and it seems to be progressing as normal, I had another set back... both physically and emotionally (the latter always seems to take the front seat). Dave and I had scheduled a mini vacation, a getaway to literaly just lay around in the pool and RELAX! And of course, me being me, I coordinated this trip completely around 2 things: summer break AND my surgery date.
So my last pre-op visit had be extremely optimistic. His evaluation made a smile appear (a rare occurrence)... because he told me I would have no reason to believe that I couldn't enjoy my upcoming vacation (1.5 weeks away at that point)... including swimming. YAY! A step forward! YAY!
Wrong. Flash forward to 3 days out from the trip.
I notice, in my daily changing of the bandage (which is actually just a band aid) that there appears to be a small amount of drainage. This means that my incision site is not closed completely... meaning it's not a good idea yet to get the area wet. Awesome. Well, there goes the entire point to my vacation. Literally, the only thing I have planned during the week is to lay by the pool.. but more accurately, lay IN the pool (it's 115+ degrees where we are going!).
Okay, so I know you're probably thinking "big deal, get over it, it'll all be fine." And to some extent, I agree. However, this whole fiasco, although it may seem small, is not really even about swimming, or walking, or whatever. It's about the fact that even though I've developed a defense system to "deal" with these issues as they arise, I shouldn't HAVE to "deal" with them... because I didn't make the choice to have these issues. The drunk driver did.
So the true upset on this is a continuous battle I struggle with because of another's actions. The seemingly constant battle of 1 step forward, 2 steps back.
And this was at least 2 steps backwards in terms of my emotional well being. On this particular battle, between the tears and rage, I asked myself "is it even fair that I have to consider not taking this vacation?" But I did... I asked.. explored all possibilities... and came to a conclusion.

More to come...