About 6 weeks ago, D and I found out that we were pregnant:) After all of the fertility treatments, the surgeries, the emotional roller coasters... it finally happened. The day that I found out, we were, needless to say, both ecstatic.. surprised... did I say ecstatic? But because of our struggles over the past year with this endeavor (and because I think we are both realists at heart), we decided to not let the good news go to our heads... wait until we got farther along in the pregnancy before we really celebrated. And this included sharing the news to only the parents (although I spilled the beans to a couple people who have really helped me during this difficult time). So at about 8 weeks, we did just that... told parents... and of course, they allowed themselves to get overjoyed. And we let them, all while knowing that D and I were trying to protect ourselves "in case".
Flash forward to the "in case".
The weekend after school got out for me, D, Asa and I went to visit my mom and Fred (to share the "good" news). But on the way back home, June 12th, (in Sacramento, nearly 2 hours away from home) I asked D to find the nearest hospital because I felt intense cramping and dizziness.
What appeared to be a viable pregnancy a week or so prior, turned out to be a rare type of ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured internally. So in the ER, after an u/s, docs could not find a heartbeat, and discovered that the embryonic sac was actually outside the uterus, and in fact inside the remaining part of the right tube (the tube I had surgery to close off in March). They rushed me into surgery to remove the rest of the tube (and the embryo) and noticed that I had lost so much blood from the rupture (it was just filling inside my abdomen) that if I had waited even a few more hours to come to the ER, I likely would have died.
Whew. I need to breathe just writing that.
The good news. D tells me I need to always try and find the silver lining, focus on the positive. It's not easy, but he's right. Good news is that I did survive. Barely, but I did. And even thinking about what D must have been going through while I was struggling physically? That hurts even more. How much more he could have lost that day. He's so strong, and always looks at things positively... I really love and admire him for that. And I need him for that. Because I know that as I heal physically, a new struggle (emotional) might appear... and for how long? Who knows. But D sees it another way... the other good news is that we DID get pregnant. Something we didn't even think could happen. So that is what we need to focus on... and through this speed bump (and any more that come along the way), I will try to look to that, along side D, as my focus.
