Feel like a pin cushion?

So I just celebrated my 36th birthday last month. Well, I use the word "celebrated" very loosely, since it seemed that everywhere I looked friends and/or family were either announcing their pregnancies or asking me that annoying question, "So when are you and Dave going to have a baby?" To which I almost always reply, "We'll see" (hoping to divert the subject to another topic less painful to talk about.

About 18 months ago, Dave and I decided it was time (because yes, as those friends and family so poignantly pointed out, we were getting old) to start thinking about a family. It's something we both have always wanted, there was no question there. The issue was timing. I wanted to make sure that I had a secure job, so we decided that nothing could happen until after I finished my Masters and was employed. That was the plan at least.

Fast forward to February, 2010. My first visit to the endocrinologist for infertility to just ask questions.... how long should we try before worrying, am I too old, etc. After those questions (and many others) were answered, we met with a couple doctors who decided promptly that we should begin testing on both Dave and myself. And long story, short, Dave's fine. Unfortunately, they cannot say the same for me. In fact, they cannot really say anything, because, like a lot of fertility issues, there is no answer. At least not yet. So after a year now of a times blend of pills, and shots (see the hundreds of tiny vials in photo above), and even inseminations, we're at a crossroads. Apparently I am a "perfect" candidate for IVF (in vitro fertilization) because one of my fallopian tubes is blocked and basically ineffective. But that same tube appears to be interfering with the "good" tube's ability to function. But, as with most people, my bank account isn't as perfect of a candidate for IVF.. with costs for that type of procedure ranging from $9,000 to $20,000 a session).

So I opted for the more realistic avenue... at least at this point... which is getting an answer as to what might be wrong with me. I KNOW I can handle the truth and reality, even if it's the worst of news. What cannot cope with is the unknown. So tomorrow, March 8, 2011 I am having a laporascopic (possibly hysteroscopic) surgery to "explore" what's going on. My surgeon (who is not my regular endocrinologist doctor, but don't get me started on that!) thinks that there is likely scar tissue (thanks again to the drunk driver who caused that scar tissue to form) that is causing the tubal blockage, and hopes are to either clean that tissue out, and/or cut the nonworking tube to detach it completely, leaving the "good" tube free to do its thing. So, we'll see what happens tomorrow. I look forward to 2 immediate, short term things: 1. finding an answer, and 2. eating (I have to fast, so I am starving!!!).